Gosh, I’m sick and tired of all these political hoo haas that have been going on recently in Malaysia. The amount of scandals and accusations between the government and the opposition party, if we were to compile and publish a book for it, it would be thicker than Yellow Pages, like about 10 times!

It’s getting way too complicated and way too ridiculous it makes me sick, it’s making the whole country sick! How I wish that our country is run by a simple-minded leader. It would be so much less complicated.

Hmmm… what if?

For sure, a hokkien lang is very straight forward and usually do not make things complicated, really. Being a hokkien lang myself, I dare to speak on behalf of all hokkien lang, that we hokkiens are simple-minded people and we do not beat around the bush! Haha.

Now, what if a hokkien lang runs a country:

1.) THERE WILL BE NO PARLIAMENT. ALL GOVERNMENT MATTERS WILL BE DISCUSSED ON A MAHJONG TABLE
Phong! Khong! Am Khong! Chiak Oa! Ok, the RM200 million bridge approved!

2.) HOKKIEN DIALECT WILL BE NATIONAL LANGUAGE
All formal and official matters will be discussed and carried out in hokkien. Imagine lawyers having to fight and defend their clients in hokkien. Government school subjects taught in hokkien and all business deal done in hokkien.

3.) JI PA BAN WILL BE NATIONAL ANTHEM
Favourite hokkien song, Ji Pa Ban will be the national anthem although another favourite hokkien song, Ai Piah Jia Eh Iah can be a great alternative. “Na si gua wu ji pa bannnnn…”

4) FAVOURITE HOKKIEN DELICACIES WILL BE NATIONAL FOOD
Hokkien mee (prawn mee in Penang – fried noodle in Klang) and Klang Bah Kut Teh will be national food.

5.) HONDA CIVIC WILL BE NATIONAL CAR, or any heavily modified cars!
Why Honda Civic? Coz most chow ah bengs drive Honda Civics! muahahahaha. Else, it could be any of those Wira-lutions or Waja-lutions out there.

6.) 10 DAYS NATIONAL HOLIDAY FOR CHINESE NEW YEAR
The celebration of Chinese New Year usually goes on for 15 days. But for hokkien community, the 9th day of Chinese New Year is very important. So instead of a 2 days off, it will be an official national holiday for 10 days during Chinese New Year.

7.) MAGNUM 4D WILL BE NATIONAL PAST TIME
Cheng Di or 4D will be the national past time. Draws will be available on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Saturday and Sunday, everyone plays mahjong.

8.) ALL HOKKIEN SPEAKING STATES WILL BE MADE FEDERAL TERRITORIES
If that’s the case, Penang, Klang, JB and perhaps Kuching will be named federal territories.

9.) ASTRO HUA HEE DAI WILL BE MADE NATIONAL CHANNEL
ASTRO Hua Hee Dai will be the national TV channel and all news will be broadcast in hokkien.

10.) KY WILL BE MADE THE MINISTER OF TOURISM
KY of Kyspeaks.com will be promoted as minister of tourism. No need for any election as everyone will agree to it. A food lover who loves to travel, KY knows what’s best to promote tourism in the country. Oh yah, and him being a Penang Chow Ah Beng, he surely can dance and show you how to have a good time too

11.) TO ACCEPT ALL WESTERN CULTURES AND THINKINGS
In order to be a successful country, we will be open-minded and we will learn all western cultures and idealogy. Steven Corey’s 7 habits for successful people will be made available in hokkien.

Habit No 1: Be Pro-Active
– Kin Ka Kin Chiew (fast leg, fast hand)

Habit No 2: Begin with the End In Mind
– Ooh Tao Ooh Buay (have head,have tail)

Habit No 3: First Things First
– Chik Hung Chik Hung Lai (one thing at a time);
Ban Ban Lai (slow and steady); Cho Tow Seng (do first)

Habit No 4: Think Win-Win
– Long Chong Ai Yarh (want to win in everything)

Habit No 5: Seek To Understand Rather Than To Be Understood
– Cho Lang Ai Beng Pek (you must be understanding)

Habit No 6: Synergize
– Tai Kay Ai Hup Chop (all must co-operate)

Habit No 7: Sharpen the Saw
– Toh Bua Lai Lai (sharpen the knife until it is very sharp)

Come to think of it, it’s not that bad if a hokkien lang runs a country. The hokkien government can probably call the President as LamPa, the Deputy President as Nabeh and the son-in-law as Kanina EhChowCibai. Then find an ex-minister, call him AhKua and accuse him for playing ka ch’ng.

*Hokkien Lang – A hokkien person

Disclaimer: The author/blogger of this site/blogsite has no interest in taking over any country and he has no relationship with any person by the name of Mohd. Saiful Bukhari Azlan.