Penang Ah Beng vs Klang Ah Beng

It is known that the chinese hokkien community in Malaysia are segregated into northen and southern hokkien. Being a Klang hokkien lang, I’ve always got into trouble trying to speak to my Penang hokkien friends. Just like ‘kai thung ngap kong’… chicken and duck talk, I’ve spent much time trying to understand their hokkien. Eventually, I managed to narrow down the gap of our mother tongue though once in a while I still do get teased by them.

Not being able to speak Penang hokkien properly, I’ve always been accused and laughed off for speaking broken hokkien. With the help of my good friend KY, here’s my desperate attempt to show everyone how different is Penang and Klang hokkien.
Here’s a list of normal everyday conversation and let the showdown begins…

KY representing Penang and Galvin for Klang.

Let’s go eat rice.
KY : kia khi ciak pui
Galvin : kai ki chiak p’ng

I wanna eat chicken rice.
KY : wa ai ciak keh pui
Galvin : wa ai chiak kuay p’ng

Where you wanna go?
KY : lu ai khi koh lok
Galvin : lu ai khi toh chi peng?

Anywhere it ok.
KY : koh lok pun biau kin
Galvin : Toh chi peng pun eh sai

Wanna eat shit or not?
KY : ai ciak sai boh?
Galvin : ai chiak sai bo?

Crazy ah? Don’t make whack you.
KY : siao ah, mang cho wa phak lu
Galvin : sioa ah, mai cho wa pha lu

Motherfucker, stare cock ar?
KY : cibai, seong hamik?
Galvin : Niameh, kua lanjiao ah?

Fucker, wanna fight ah?
KY : lanciao, ai sioh phak ah?
Galvin : Kanneh, ai sioh pak si bo?

Come la, scared you ar?
KY : lai la, kia lu meh?
Galvin : lai la, kia lu meh?

Wah, damn no manners.
KY : wah, boh leh sor
Galvin : wah, bo tua bo suay

Who no manners? Your mother no manners la.
KY : hamik boh leh sor? lu eh mak la boh leh sor
Galvin : hamik bo tua bo suay? Nin lau bu bo tua bo suay

Eh don’t insult my mother ok.
KY : mang kong wa eh mak ok
Galvin : oi, mm thang kong wa eh lau bu ho bo

Later I let you eat my fist.
KY : tan ci ek wa hoh lu ciak kun tao boh
Galvin : chia lu chiak kun tao bo

Come la, you think I really scared ar?
KY : lai lah, lu siang kong wa kia ah?
Galvin : lai la, lu siong wa chin chia kia ah?

Scared you got balls ar?
KY : kia lu uh hud ah?
Galvin : kia lu uh lam pa ah?

Fuck you, you goddamn mother fucker!
KY : cibai, lanciao!
Galvin : Kanninnahbuehchaocibaibolanjiaobolampa!!!

So, which hokkien do you prefer? Eh…dun pway pway ah! Tan ji eh wa hud lu!